got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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