"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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