My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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