Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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