i jhust puked up my retainher.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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