this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
