Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
