Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
