Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
