i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
