dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
