I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They took my balls.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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