Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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