He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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