Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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