I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
