My liver just broke up with me...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just pee around me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
