I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
