he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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