i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
