i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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