i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize