I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
