Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
