He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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