the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
