What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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