here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
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no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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