A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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