Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
