So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
