I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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