i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so fucking centered right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
