She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
