I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Drunk is not a location!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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