Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
