foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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