I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
