The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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