If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
