I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
