i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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