u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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