I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
