Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
