chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
