It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
