why didn't you poke me back
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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