That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
