i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
