Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
