Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
