I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
