Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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