We're facebook friends in real life
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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