Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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