Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
These tits shall not be calmed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
