i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
