I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize