Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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