oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
