He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
