I need help removing her.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
