I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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