I met the friendliest cop last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
