Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
