True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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