i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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