Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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