Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
