I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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