And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
