maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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