well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
