Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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