Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize