Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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