you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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