Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
