Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
