Are we in a gay sports bar?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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