There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
