Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
