I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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