I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
