Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
